never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
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You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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