you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
