So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
