Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize