So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
