who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
