Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
