If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My dick has a subreddit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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