I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
