Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
