i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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