Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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