so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
