Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.