Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go