Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me