You're earring is so big in my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.