I got chris browned last night
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
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I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?