eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
