Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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