Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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