my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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