Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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