im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize