I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
