Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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