he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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