Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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