hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
