First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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