her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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