you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I enjoy the company of your penis
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