I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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