the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize