fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
