I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
