I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
