i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I have already put on my inside pants.