Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december