Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels