saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.