We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
