having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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