i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.