But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.