singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
