and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Pants are for mortals
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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