fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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