Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
