Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
