I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
