i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
