Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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