We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
