I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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