Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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