chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my being single is dangerous.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
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I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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