I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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